The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

To p or not to p

Last night, kneeling before him as he watches TV, what he is watching is beyond one’s comprehension. She is only there for him; the caresses of her hair a blissful gift as she is surrounded by an intense need to worship her Master.

An invitation to join him on the couch is welcome and for a while lying in his lap slave lightly runs her fingers up and down his body. It’s late and becomes time to take out the dogs and lock up the house. As we stand Master denies slave permission to use the bathroom, but she is told she may brush her teeth when she asks.

We meet in the bedroom and slave is asked to strip before the nightly undressing of her Master. She asks to pee again and is told she can go in a moment, but she is not leaving the room. The look of defiance sweeps over ones face (just for a moment) as she removes her dress and moves towards him pressing her body to his to remove his shirt.

His hand wraps around her hair, pulling her ear to his lips so he can whisper There is a pan under the bed, you may pull it to the center of the room and pee in it once you are finished here. Electricity runs through slaves nerves and there is no denying the slickness in between her thighs even though her mind is fighting the concept. Kneeling to remove his pants, there is some trepidation but it is easily pushed aside once he slides himself down her throat.

Enough get the pan he commands and there is hesitation and she procrastinates, kneeling there, her mouth gaping open. Of course this is a losing battle and moments later she is squatting before him over the pan. There she squats; looking up into his eyes, knowing anything less would be unacceptable, feeling the need to go but just not able to. It seems we were stalled like that, frozen in time until he picks up the belt and lashes at slaves back encouraging her to let go of her ego. The belt is distracting, turning her into a needy puddle while still trying to let her body go. The need to please him so strong, but just not physically being able to force her body to listen is frustrating.

Maybe a loop whipping will help you slave; it’s time to get up. The belt tightens around her chest, restricts her arms to her sides and binds her breast as he pushes her over the edge of the bed. He doesn’t start light but the whipping is good, it burns, but staying in position is not so hard. Until he decides it should be hard and it becomes that way. He stops every once in a while to give her a break to catch her breath, to get the tears under control before he start again. He very roughly inserts the plug, each touch of the welts causing more cries. The pleasure of dual fullness as he enters her from behind is intense and soon enough another kind of pleading begins.

When Master is ready for slave to suck him once more he speaks to her sternly while she accommodates him, reminding her she is property; that she will always be his, that she is his to do with as he pleases. That he loves her and she is beautiful when she suffers.

Later, once slave has licked Master clean and we are relaxed and ready to drift asleep, all sexual tension out of the air slave again asks if she may use the bathroom and Master once again reminds her the pan is the next to the bed.

This is not going away.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Getting comfortable

Note: This post was written last week and never published but the feelings are the same.

Master likes things a certain way, there is no question about that. He has expectations of how he wants things done and how he would like us to interact. At times it can feel like no progress has been made when it comes to ones temper or anger but he is quick to remind slave that really that is not the case. While there are still times when slave will start to fly off the handle he reels her in with a look and puts it to an end. Master has been pleased when the look puts an end to things while slave still frets that the tone should have never started in the first place. In that way he is much easier on slave than she is on herself.

As we fall into our routine, slave at times may get a little too comfortable. Yes, she must ask for permission for basic things such as sitting on the furniture or using the bathroom but when she does ask she expects a yes and doesn’t really give it much thought. It seems Master has noticed which is really no surprise because he does observe like a hawk.

Last night as one entered the bedroom before Master, she settled on the hardwood floor at the end of the bed watching TV. Master soon came in and lie on the bed above her with his face close to her. We chatted for a bit and slave asked for permission to come up on to the bed. It was late and she was surprised when she was told no and instructed to remove her clothing and put on her dog collar. As slave motioned to stand she was instructed to crawl for the collar. Once settled back on the floor at the end of the bed the overwhelming sense to kiss Master came over slave but she was denied. "Beg for it slave" he whispered as he grabbed the back of the collar causing slaves head to tilt back, her back pinned to the bed frame with chest jutting out. As slave begged for that kiss she wanted more than the air she was breathing he whipped her chest repeatedly with his belt sending her into frenzy. Soon, one found herself with the belt binding both her breasts and her arms at her sides, Master deep down her throat. Slave sucked him greedily, looking into his eyes as he alternated slapping her face and grinding into her mouth. The order to stop was not one she was happy to comply with, and she continued fretting while ordered into the dogs cage.

Master sat on the end of the bed watching as slave calmed herself. He inquired if she was thirsty and commented about her possible need to pee while confined. As he opened the cage and stuck in her a bowl of water he instructed her to drink like the pet she is and as the water an down her face he turned off the TV and lights and left the room. Slave lie there waiting for him to return, heard him go out to walk a dog and then wouldn’t you know it she heard a child down the hall crying and calling out in her sleep. Full, Blown, Panic! Luckily, Master hadn’t reinforced the cage locks wi the extra mechanisms we sometiomes use and she was able to get herself out, throw on some clothes and go console the child. When Master came back in and the child was back asleep we laughed about it (that kid never wakes up!) and he instructed her to take her clothes off once more and settle on the floor at the edge of bed.

Master sat on the edge and pulled slaves head back with the belt he had now wrapped around her neck and whispered firmly. Reminding her how lucky she was for all the allowances she has, slave answers coming out in a coarse voice as he restricted her air flow.

Once Master was satisifies with the conversation he bent one very worked up slave over the bed and spread her ass cheeks, ignoring the pleas for gentleness as he buried himself deep inside. Eventually the whimpering changes to moans of pleasure as Master reminds slave she enjoys being taken in by him that way. Makes her tell him all about too.

Sleep came very easy to slave as she laid in Masters arms (on the bed with permission, of course). No Mantra was done, no spanking was given and clothes were not approved for the day but today slave is acutely aware of who she is and why she thrives on it.

She is grateful that she has an Owner that knows hers so well and reminds her he gives and he can take away and that’s what makes us work.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Making time for the Dynamic

If there is one thing we can all probably agree on it is that you must make time for any relationship in order for it to work. This sounds like a simple concept but in reality it can be hard to accomplish. This is not something that comes easy to slave and yet it is another area in which Master controls to the fullest extent. Once the kids are in bed and everything is in order for the morning it can be as late as 11:00 pm before we really get to focus on one another. It would be easy to kiss and roll over to our sides of the bed and repeat the process the next day without making any time until the weekends.

Master does not let this happen and has created a nightly routine that helps us stay connected. This involves a nightly spanking, followed by slave asking to recite her mantra usually at his feet and then the pleasuring of Master. Sometimes slave will be interrupted for other activities which gives us both pleasure, while other evenings Master explodes in slave mouth or on her face, kisses her goodnight and falls asleep.
This start of this routine was not always met with grace. Sometimes the petulant child would come out, stomping her feet and pouting that she needed her sleep even though she gets to sleep an hour later each morning. And really the whole temper tantrum was just causing us to lose even more sleep and also changed the tone of the spanking significantly. It was really very shameful behavior and not something one cares to think about too often. Slave is grateful Master didn’t give in to simply not have to deal with her BS because his persistence has led us to a wonderful place and no two evenings are ever the same.

Monday it just seemed we were able to get things done much earlier and we actually had some time to watch TV together. Slave asked permission to lie on the couch with Master and was given the go ahead so she cuddled in tight. Halfway through the program she realized Master had fallen asleep. Once the show was over Master was gently awakened and headed to the bedroom giving slave no direction to report to the basement as usual. The basement is usually reserved for louder implements and those times when Master would like to give slave a good whipping on her gentler parts causing some loud screams. Master stood next to the bed, exhaustion on his face evident as slave removed his clothing. Fully expecting to be instructed to get in bed, slave turned to dispose of his laundry when she glimpsed Master pulling out both the cane and the loop. Once instructed to present on the bed, slave was filled with gratitude that he held this routine so important that he would wake up from a dead sleep to make sure it happened. The spanking itself was not a tough one (or maybe slave was determined to be good because he looked so exhausted) and while he switched in between implements he reminded slave how good she had been and also of the few areas in which he would like her to do better. When Master was done and the mantra had been spoken, slave took him in her mouth until he was satisfied; her only need to please him and get him in bed. Seep came quickly to us both that evening.

Last evening we were back to our late schedule, not even getting to the chance to sit down before walking into the bedroom at 11:30 pm. Master smirked as he once again pulled out the cane and gave instructions. Lay flat on the bed and spread your legs he commanded as he sat beside her, tonight is going to be a little different. With that the cane came down so hard against the back of the thighs it took ones breathe away. The caning continued this way for quite some time, focusing on the same spot at least 5 or 6 times before he moved to a different area. There was some discussion of an attitude that had made its way into a conversation earlier that evening. It wasn’t long before the begging began and tears involuntarily sprang to her eyes, each full swing strike causing her to move just a little bit further from her original position. Master held slave tight but at one point she was pushing her upper body up off the bed and was quickly corrected with a strike to the upper back. Each time Master stopped to play with slave’s hair and remind her to breathe she thought perhaps he was done and yet he continued. At last his body weight was felt lifting off the bed and slave lie there panting, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Instructions to fully undress were given and Masters arms wrapped around slave in a protective embrace. Thank you Daddy was whispered as the mind calmed itself and his hands ran lightly over the welts. Are you disgruntled he inquired knowing it was late and he had been heavy handed just moments earlier, let’s get some sleep. No Sir slave replied asking to say her Mantra with her head resting on his chest. As slave lay on his chest specifically thinking about each and every word as she spoke them she was reminded how much they meant to her and how happy she was that they make this time for each other almost every evening. Although it was late we played for a very long time afterwards.

Today we are tired; the welts feel raw, the sting provides a constant reminder of our connection and slave smiles to herself knowing she is going to get it again this evening.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Closeness and Affection

As mentioned in the last post Master went out with some friends last week. Now this does not happen very often, usually when we go out it is together. While Master was missed immensely, the fact that he went out was not a big deal, slave was happy he was going. Not only did he deserve the break, he was with my 3 closest friends’ husbands, some of which were not very accepting of our relationship when it started because the divorce from the ex was not finalized.

Anyway, when Master came home he made a passing remark about not receiving any texts from slave while he was out. The comment was surprising and there was an inquiry made as to if the other guys had been receiving texts from their wives and in fact they had…..several. That just seemed really strange because they had only been out for 3 or 4 hours and really the point was for them to have a fun time out. Slave certainly did not want to be a bother.

Now Master was not complaining but the comment keeps coming back to one’s thoughts. Is it weird that she didn’t shoot him a quick text to let him know she was missing him? And really who knows what the texts to other husbands were about, they could have been arguing for all we know. It just has one questioning herself; perhaps she is more distant than she originally thought or not as open as she can be. Does the absence of a text indicate a failure on this slave’s part in one way or another? And why oh why is this still bothering her 4 days later? Bothering her enough that she is writing this post?

Affection has never been one’s strong point, even though one has felt love for another for long periods of time. Hugging, kissing and holding hands are just things that have always fallen off once a relationship progresses. It’s not something conscious either, it just happens.

Master has changed that. Molded slave, mostly through his owns actions. He will reach out for a hand, grab the back of one’s neck or stop the progress of dinner or laundry for a long hug. At first the responses were ones of obedience but as time went on they were ones of true affection. Just feeling his skin against mine, craving any touch he would give, focusing on him even just for that second because yeah laundry and dinner can wait. There were also some rules that fundamentally changed the inner working of one’s mind. The most prevalent being that slave must always be touching Master in some way when relaxing together, even if it’s just a cheek on his leg as one sits at his feet, or throwing her legs on his lap on the rare occasion she asks to sit on the couch instead of the floor. This was a tough rule at first but really now it’s not a rule at all; it’s something one craves and doesn’t even take notice of. It’s something she wants to do, to feel our connection through touch. Slave didn’t even realize this change had taken place in her until the texting comment came up.

Yes, this post is going nowhere at this point, except that maybe one has even more work to do than she thought……and maybe she better talk to Master about it before he reads this. He won’t be happy this was not communicated to him earlier. For some reason it just seemed one would be over it by now.

Friday, September 13, 2013

A day in the life

Yesterday, Master did a very rare thing and took off from work. There were too many little jobs to be done that were nagging at the back of his mind and he just needed alone time to get them done. Perhaps that was why slave was feeling such separation anxiety when at work.

The nice thing about Master being home is that it really made slave’s day much easier. Master works long hours often leaving before Slave is out of bed and getting home late. Slave works full time too but is usually able to get home by 5:30. With Master home, there was no rush to make sure all 5 animals were watered, fed and safely where they should be after the kids got on the bus. There was no worrying about the kids getting off the afternoon bus and in the house safely and hopefully starting homework with no one breathing down their neck. It was the perfect day for it too since there was someplace to be in the evening as well.

When slave arrived home she followed her routine, greeting the children and removing shoes and under clothing before doing much else. As slave entered the kitchen she fell in Daddy’s arms while he was helping the oldest finish up her homework and quizzing her for a test. Master hands slid down one’s body making sure the proper clothing was removed and just held on tight while continuing to quiz the girl. All the while slave was licking his neck and shoulder since her back was to the children.

Once the homework was done and Master was satisfied everyone had eaten enough it was time for us to go. Slave gathered up the children and said goodbye to Master who promised to meet us at the school shortly. Two hours later slave returned home with two very tired children, while Master ran to the store before returning himself. Then another very rare occasion, it was time for Master to go out with the boys to celebrate a friends birthday. While happy to see him get out, saying goodbye again sucked but still there was much to get done anyway.

With children in bed, lunches made, house straightened and animals cared for there was finally time to sit at the laptop and get those pesky checks ordered. For some reason looking at all the different designs and picking out the perfect one is just something slave enjoys; getting new things is fun even it is just a new check design. When the selection was made and the payment method page came up it dawned on one she had no means to render payment until Master came home. She smiled to herself knowing she had to wait for him to get this done.

Just as slave clothes were stripped and she climbed into bed she saw the headlights pass through the window, her heart skipping a beat while she waited to hear the front door. As Daddy entered the room she smiled up at him in the dark and he sat at her side rubbing her hair surprised she was awake. “You have to get up for your paddling slave” he whispered with a smile on his face. “Ok Daddy” slave answered as she stood out of bed. (The paddle had made its appearance for the first time in months the evening before and Daddy had mentioned how much he missed it and his desire for a repeat the very next day).

Master laughed at slaves’ response pulling her back into his arms, “I am not going to paddle you tonight slave, it’s midnight, you need your sleep and I know you get jumpy when I have been drinking”. Now Daddy was by no means drunk and slave answered that she trusted him as he held her close. A little disappointment setting in even though it was late. Master was right, it was time to sleep.

Slave was given permission to use the bathroom and given the bank card to finish the computer transaction before climbing back into bed, snuggling close. “Are you humping my leg slave” he asks in that stern voice he sometimes uses that make one melt. “maybe a little Sir” one answers as he pushes her head down to wish him goodnight. Slave is soon on her side, her mouth full while Daddy is stretching her wide with this hand. Slave knew a fisting would be coming but she did not expect this now, not for the first time tonight. It hurt and felt good at the same time, perhaps the thought of the act turning her on more than the act itself.

Once we calmed ourselves and laid in each other’s arms slave told Master just how sore she was. Imagine her surprise when she was informed he didn’t actually get her open to that extent but that he looked forward to working on it more this weekend.

Slave drifted off to sleep knowing the weekend was going to be great indeed.

Thursday, September 12, 2013


It’s been so long since something has been posted here; it makes it hard to come back. There are so many thoughts and feelings that could have been shared that just slipped away. In retrospect, perhaps it was time to stop writing and reading just to establish the foundation of what we would be, how we work. To have nothing to compare us to. To have Master lead without expectations fueled by others experiences. Sure it started because we had no internet but one continued to stay away for many of those reasons.

Today it just felt right to come here. Today it felt right to stop in and say hi to you all. To tell Master how hard it is to be away from him even when it’s just for the work day. How one never thought any feelings could ever be so strong. How great it is when those feelings aren’t so scary anymore. How nice it is that those who read here get that.

Yes, we played last night and it was fun and it was intense and it was humbling. Master pushed a little further, the actions he took not nearly as important as where it got us. Actions that linger in slaves mind and that she can’t bring herself to disclose at this time. Actions that make her want to leave work early and lie at his feet, completely bare and open to him; even if that just means waiting quietly to be acknowledged.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Still here but without Internet

Thank you to everyone who has stopped by and emailed to see how things are going. We are still unpacking, hanging things and realizing we don't have things we need. The one BIG thing we don't have is interenet and the service provider tells us it's going to be some time before they can actually dig the lines to us. It is frustrating.

You all have been very missed! Reading from the phone has kept one feeling at least a little connected. Commenting via phone is too tedious and posting....well obviously that's has not been happening. It's crazy that at the time writing would help the most it's not really available. As this is being typed co-workers could stop by and its a rush to get it all out.

The kids are really happy with the new living arrangements and everyone is adjusting well. Of course there has been those moments of stress and snapping at each other that come with moving (and a bad car accident and a kid with a broken growth plate, etc, etc, etc) but Master had been a rock and has helped keep things in perspective in many ways. He seems to know exactly when the cure is to make one laugh or cry.

Going from living apart to be being in the same house has really been a game changer for how things flow between us. Master is very specific with what he wants and these are things one is very eager to give, we just have not gotten into that everyday routine yet but expect to be there soon. Not to mean there hasn't been play and whippings because there has which has been wonderful but we both want to dig deeper. We look forward to having the whole house in order so each night is not running to pick up hardware, paint or a strainer after you have just made Pasta and have no way to get it out of the pot.

Master did give a list of his house rules and it seemed overwhelming to read since there were so many. In reality most were expected and it would be great to share them here although this post was not something planned so one needs permission first. Some are habits that are going to take some time to break, others are ones that slave simply does not like but she likes that she has to do them because he said so and some are as mundane as how he wants the house run. Oh just posting them would be great.

Some things one has learned rather quickly:

Master does not mind or stop if the implements get a little blood on them......that concept makes me hot even if it really hurts at the time.

Having your breath controlled while your getting spanked is something everyone should experience at least once.

Getting whipped before coffee just because the kids are still sleeping and he can really wakes a girl up and

Being a slave to a morning person when you are clearly a night owl is challenging, apparently grunting is not an answer to any question even if its one considered to be ridiculous before 7am.

My goal is to start writing on a regular basis now, even if is just a short post from work when it seems it will go unnoticed. There is so much to fill you in on and just no way to do it.

Maybe the rules can even be posted on Monday....with permission of course.

Have a great weekend and please know how much you are missed.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Moving, fantasies and great finds

It's finally happening, we found a great house and we are all moving in together. Everyone is very excited and it is actually making the nights we have to be apart even harder on us all but with the date less than a month away it's something we can all live with.

There are so many changes associated with the move they can make one a bit dizzy at times. Actually having help with the day to day part of raising young children is going to be awesome. Nights are already so much easier when Daddy visits and we can divide and conquer on the homework or he just handles it all so dinner gets on the table at a decent hour. Then having him split the straightening up or doing it all himself so the kids get mom time is really helpful. Accepting this help used to be an issue that would result in punishments because watching him do that stuff really caused a lot of stress and attitude but now we just run through it as a team and it really benefits all since there is more time for all of us to spend together at the end of the night.

Other things will change as well and the feelings associated with that are hard to capture. Daddy is strict, he likes planning and lists and healthy eating and sometimes those are just not that important in one’s mind. Don't get the wrong idea, the kids never miss activities or assignments but there are many times when one is running around still filling up the water bottles and looking for jerseys while shoving a donut down her throat when really we should be pulling out of the driveway to get to the game 20 minutes early.

Menus we will be planned, closets organized and approved slave clothes will be picked at the beginning of the week. Schedules will be made and they will be followed and it will be different but it is something that one is just well plain happy about.

There will be additional changes and that has become apparent with other interactions as well. Slave was late after meeting some friends for drinks the other night and called three minutes after she was supposed to be home which is NOT ok. There was a punishment for it of course but while that spoon rained down on her behind Daddy was quick to tell one next time this happened (this is the 2nd time in the last 10 months) she would be diapered, sent to a dark room and restricted from future plans. Basically saying if you are going to act like a child you are certainly going to get treated like one. It was shocking to hear things were going to this far but really she found peace in knowing that that's how things are going to be. Daddy was also quick to let her know that if she would have called earlier than her curfew he would have just told her to stay out longer.....lesson learned.

Now for the fantasy part. For whatever reason reading about subs being made to endure riding a saw horse has always had a certain lure. Not sure where this comes from but it's just something about being observed in such a pained state by Daddy and knowing he is getting pleasure out of it that sound enticing. Something about being helpless and not being allowed to get down until he says so  is exciting and if he comes over to cause more hurt even better. These fantasies were shared with Daddy some time ago, at that time we had not been participating in a lot of play that is quite regular to us now and it was something he said he could just never bring himself to put one thru. One was not terribly disappointed by this as the fantasy although hers was also quite bothersome as some fantasies tend to be.

Not too long ago we drove to a friend’s house who was packing up a family home and getting rid of all the contents. She offered that we take a look around to see what we needed for the move. When we finished she asked Daddy if he wanted to go downstairs to look at all the tools since her father was a carpenter and he had stored lots of things down there that were for the taking. We had the kids with us so slave took them and headed outside while Daddy went downstairs to check it out. When they were done we said our goodbyes and planned to come back with a truck.

While we were driving home one of those pop songs kids love came on the radio. Daddy turned up the back speakers and the kids starting singing on the top of their lungs effectively blocking any conversation we may be having from them. He looked over with a smile on his face and asked  "Guess what was in the basement slave?"  What Sir? one answered having not a clue what he could be so giddy about. "Saw horses, two of them and one that is equipped electrical outlets." His smile became wider as one gulped in astonishment. After taking a moment one inquired as to if he asked about them to which he answered "Oh yes, we will be picking them up with everything else, how awesome is that?"

Slave became a little quieter after that conversation but she was a bit excited as well and is looking forward to really being able to be in the 24/7 relationship we both so desire.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Your pain is my drug

Those were the four words he whispered gently in slaves ear while watching her reactions. He went on to explain the change in ones eyes when things get particularly unbearable. The look of surprise when the intensity pushes a little bit past where one thought it could actually go. He continued to explain how much it pleases him, how much he loves the way slave kisses when she is in so much pain.

Before his words there was a bit of panic (yes we have a safe word, but it was not needed) as ones legs were kicking about in a desperate kind of way of processing the pain. Legs that were slippery from the excitement of it all. After those words there was just calmness as she absorbed it all knowing how much it pleased him. And of course there was a lot more wetness.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

That lingering tingle

That walk to the basement full of anticipation, excitement and fear. Time alone being so precious sometimes correction and play must be rolled into one. The time spent down there bittersweet and ending too soon but the sensations, they linger.

Tingling remains on the cheek where he slapped harder than one thought he would. A hard limit of his washed away by his understanding of his slave.

Her bottom on fire from the paddling he administered with resolve. A paddling not initially taken gracefully but one we got through together thru his patience, persistence and calming demeanor.

The dull ache of the most sensitive areas that he pinched, twisted and possessed as he filled his property.

The pull at her heart as she calms at his feet, staring up at those beautiful eyes. He lovingly strokes the side of her face he reddened not so long ago. "Your such a good girl, I am so proud of you" he whispers as he lifts her up to hold her in his arms.

He brings her to bed, spooning her lovingly and wrapping his body protectively around her. His kisses like passing butterfly wings brushing against her softly until it is time to reluctantly depart.

Leaving her giddy while the tingling lingers and she longs for the nights when they will drift off together.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Focus Points

Something Master does every weekday and occasionally on weekends is to send his slave a daily focus point. They used to be delivered via email but since we synced our phones they can be typed right into a little shared area we both enjoy. 

The focus point is usually only a few sentences long and simply gives a directive on where he would like one's attention to be for the day. The rule is they are to be acknowledged by 9 am in a designated area where one can type Yes Sir as an indication it has been read. It was learned by trial and error that if one was miffed about the point being made she is still to acknowledge that she has read it and ask to discuss it further at a later more appropriate time. 

The subjects of the focus point have a wide range. Some days Master addresses something he notices may be falling to the wayside on other days he starts planting a small seed of something he would like to work on for the future. Some days are health related and others are simply just reminding one to smile and that she is beautiful.

No matter what the topic they are always there each day. Most days they cause a smile, especially when they are focused on slavery and ownership but sometimes yeah not so much. Especially if one has been acting out and gets called on it in what she initially viewed as an impersonal way.  Then the realization came fast and hard and it was a rather suprising.

At the moment we live in separate homes (which sucks but we are in the process of getting that corrected), Master wakes up for work each morning, gets ready and takes the time out of his morning to write this out for me. He is thinking about his pet, wishing we were together so he could remind her himself (no, not that kind of reminding.....well maybe not). He writes what he is feeling at the time. Why is telling one to focus on the fact that she can no longer make any non-work or child related decisions by herself something to smile about but yet when it was related to tone or attitude she felt the forum for which it was being delivered was irritating? Sure, he may not have known about the irritation but that does not make it any less right.

So, once this was all turned around and mixed together in ones brain, she decided to write about it here. Because really it is a very sweet thing that Master does for her each morning, and although he does not really know this, it would be extremely upsetting if one day she woke up and it was not there, corrections and all.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Punishment Essay

Over the past month slave has exhibited several behaviors which have been detrimental to our relationship and disrespectful to Master. When slave became owned property it was with the understanding that she would follow a very specific set of rules in addition to exhibiting certain behaviours. Slave no longer has the right to question any directives or rules Master gives.

In reviewing the list of infractions slave has wracked up she feels very disappointed in herself for breaking these rules. Slave loves and cherishes her Master (as he does her) and only wants to see him happy. Slave understands when she breaks rules it is disrespectful and shows a lack of consideration for Masters wishes.

It  is understood the rules are in place for a reason and must be followed at all times regardless of how one is feeling about other things going on around her. She is looking forward to getting back on track now that we have the medical clearance to address these issues. 

Slave will always address Master as Sir, Daddy, Master or Sire after each sentence unless the children are present or we are in the middle of a continuous conversation. Slave will be more respectful and approach you with her head bowed and eyes down when asking a question or be bringing up a subject she needs to discuss. Slave will show further respect by only speaking when spoken too when appropriate and not interrupting you.

Slave's text postings and wrist cuff has been forgotten on occasion. She will take immediate action to correct this by giving herself more time to get ready before leaving the house. Slave will take a moment before leaving to ensure she has fulfilled all her obligations before her departure. It is understood there will be no leaving the house without permission, slave understands if permission is not given it is or a very specific good reason.

Slave's tone will be corrected by taking a minute to think before speaking if she becomes agitated or overwhelmed. Having a tone never solves a problem and only puts walls between us. Having a tone does not benefit our relationship and also prevents Master from listening to the point slave is trying to make. Slave recognizes and appreciates that Master does not take a tone with her when she has upset him and understands that she is expected to handle things the same way.

Lastly, slave will not take her water rule lightly moving forward. It is understood dehydration is the main cause of her seizures and drinking the assigned amount of water also flushes toxins from her system which is very important in preventing cancer cells from regenerating. Water punishments are extremely unpleasant and will always involve water followed by a severe paddling and loss of privileges. This has been an unnecessary repeated offense and slave understands your frustration.

Now that we can address these issues slave understands there will be 17 punishments for 23 infractions as follows:

  • 6 days of not meeting water requirements.
  • 3 incidents of improper tone.
  • 5 incidents of not addressing you properly.
  • 2 incidents of forgetting to put on my wrist cuff.
  • 7 incidents of disrespect

This essay will be promptly posted on Slave's blog for future reference.

Slave apologizes to Master for the time he will have to take to punish her when he would rather be enjoying out time together. Slave appreciates this writing assignment as well as it allowed her to look at things more objectively.

With love,


Saturday, March 2, 2013

Spanking Survey

This survey has been really fun to read and has been going around so its my turn to give it a try.


Have you ever gotten spanked?  
Yes, on a pretty regular basis actually.

Are you spanked bare bottomed, over panties, or over clothes?
Always bare bottomed for a real spanking, over clothes for swats.

What is the best thing about being spanked?
The connection we get from it as well as the reinforcement of the tpe.

What position do you get spanked in?
Any position Master wants.

Have you ever gotten spanked in public?
No, but can't guarantee it won't happen.

What do you get spanked with the most?
Heavy wood paddle.

On a scale of 1-10 how much does the average spanking hurt?

Have you ever gotten spanked with a hairbrush?.

Have you ever been spanked so hard that you started to cry?

Were you spanked as a child?

Do you think spanking is fun?
Yes, unless it is punishment.

Have you ever gotten spanked for bad driving (speeding ticket, etc)? 
No, never had a ticket but do tend to drive fast. There has been a few for not wearing a seatbelt.

Have you ever gotten a spanking for no reason at all?  
Well, because he feels like it is as good of a reason as any so no.

Have you ever gotten spanked by a teacher?

Is your butt spankable?

Are you currently in trouble?
No, but there is an IOU list out there with 19 things from when we could not spank after surgery. We are going to be working our way through it, apparently sassiness comes out when one has to rest.

Do you get lectured during the spanking?
Sometimes but not always.

Have you ever seen someone else get spanked?

Have you ever gotten spanked for cursing?
Hell no!

Have you ever gotten spanked for lying?
Flat out lying no, omission yes, it was awful.

Have you ever been spanked with more than one spanking instrument in one spanking?
Yes, Master likes a good combo.

Do you hate spankings?

How many people spank you?
Master is the only one who has ever spanked me and will be the only one to ever spank me too.

Have you ever gotten spanked with your butt in the air?
What other way is there?

Have you ever gotten spanked so hard your butt was purple?
It's purple right now.

Do you think that spanking is a good punishment?

Do you believe spanking has made your relationship better, or worse?

Is your butt red and sore afterwards?

Have you ever gotten spanked with a sneaker?

Have you ever been spanked twice in one day?

Have you ever asked to be spanked for something you did wrong?
No, he's on top of it.

Would you talk about spousal spankings to your friends/family members?               
Only blogging friends

Have you ever gotten you butt caned?
Butt, thighs, feet yes. Yummy.

Have you ever gotten spanked with a wooden spoon?
Yes, hence the purple.

What do you get spanked ?
Maintenance, punishment, fun, stress relief and just because Master wants to you.

On average, how many times a month are you spanked?
15 - 20

Do your friends know that you get spanked?  Only my blogging friends

On a 1-10 scale, how hard would you get spanked for something serious,such as speeding?  
 9 maybe 10

Have you ever gotten your butt belted?
Oh yes, love being whipped with the belt for fun. Hate it for punishment.

Have you ever gotten your butt paddled?
Unfortunately, yes.

After your spanking is over, how long before you repeat the same offence?
It depends on the issue, sometimes never or months but sassiness only a few days.

Does your spouse enjoy spanking you?
My Master does but we are not married.

When is the last time you got spanked?
Wednesday, yes my butt is still purple from that.

Have you ever spanked yourself?

What is the worst thing about being spanked?
When he goes for the thighs.

How long does the spanking last?
It varies

Do you like to be spanked?

Would you describe yourself as a rule follower, or a rule breaker?
Breaker unless they are Master's rules.

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Take my breath away...literally

Since recovering from my surgery a lot of our extracurricular activities had to be put on hold. Of course there is always Dominance and Submission because that's who we are but maintenance, discipline and  play all needed to either be put on hold altogether or adjusted to fit the current circumstance. Yes, Master has still been able to fist my hair and pinch my thighs and there were a few careful spankings thrown in the mix but well it has just been different.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

The other night we were cuddled in bed with my youngest daughter watching a kid movie. She was totally into what she was watching and was not paying any attention to us whatsoever. It felt great to be snuggled all into my Daddy's body as he held my throat while we watched TV. As per usual when we are lying together my gaze left the screen to stare at his features. This is something this slave could be content doing for hours and always brings with it a great sense of admiration, love and worship. Sometimes Daddy will ask what one is doing but others he doesn't acknowledge the staring which allows one to continue to her hearts content.

This evening though Daddy chose to move his hand from my throat and clasp my mouth shut while he used his other hand to pinch my nose. It was so sudden there was not time to even think about taking a deep breath of air first and eventually slaves body & brain started to involuntarily panic. It's such a weird sensation because there is nothing this man would do to ever hurt his girl in a "bad" way and yet the panic set in. Of course along with that panic came some other bodily reactions which left slave needing to change her bottoms once the movie was over.

Daddy continued to allow her to breathe and then cover her up several times throughout the evening. Sometimes it would be long enough that her head would start shaking side to side ever so slightly while struggling for air (but not enough for my daughter to realize we were not exactly watching the movie). Each time he held her head in a position so that we were making direct eye contact and it was apparent the panic and begging with my eyes was affecting him as well.

As slave snuggled even closer into Daddy panting and paying close attention to his movements in an attempt to figure out when to take the last big gulp of air before he grasped her again he whispered in her ear "I control that too" and it was music to this slaves ears.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Peaceful Bear

Recovery time from the recent surgery is six weeks without work and two weeks without driving. Since one is always on the go this situation is not a happy one. Valentines Day fell one full week after the surgery and this slave has not been out of the house since. Prior to the surgery parent-teacher conferences were scheduled for that evening with the understanding that they may get cancelled depending on the healing progress. Things are going well so we decided to make a go of it.

The girls wanted to go out to eat after and really it seemed like a great idea since there were no Valentines presents for them this year due to Moms lack of mobility. The plan was for Daddy to drive over straight from work to take us to the school. We had texted during they day and even though Daddy was not feeling well he was fine with going out after. It seemed he just knew one was going a bit stir crazy so he agreed.

 Daddy arrived with gifts for the girls and a very sweet card for me and off to the school we went. Once done we headed out to the packed restaurant as planned. As we were waiting for our table a bit of pain and some weariness set in and the attitude kicked in a bit. Daddy told me to sit and a quick no was shot back in response without much of a thought. Daddy's demeanor changed a bit and in return my attitude straightened up by the time we were seated. Once we got settled and the meals were ordered it was noted how sick Daddy really was. His eyes were glassy, his nose was runny he had the cold sweats and he looked exhausted.

As we sat there it dawned on slave how easy it would have been for Daddy to go home from work and rest. He lives very close to his work but the drive to us is at least 1/2 hour and he spent his lunch break shopping for the girls.

As we were finishing things up Daddy said he needed to run in to one of the stores within walking distance and he would meet us at the specialty desert place next door that the girls wanted to hit.

Daddy met back up with us and we both were looking pretty worn out by the time we convinced the girls to get lids and bring the rest home. Daddy opened the passenger door and as he was helping slave climb into her seat (the fresh stomach incision making that tough right now) she noticed the tye-dye peaceful bear pillow pet sitting on her seat. The very pillow pet slaved coveted for herself when shopping for the kids at Christmas but felt it was too frivolous of a purchase.

The squeals of delight coming from slave and the girls (who were in on it the whole time) put a big smile on Daddy's face which remained there as slave cuddled the pillow the whole way home.

Once back home Daddy walked us all in and said goodnight to the girls. Slave got some Benadryl for Daddy and walked him to the door wishing a long kiss was possible but knowing she absolutely cannot get sick since she is already not in good health. Embracing her tightly he whispered in slaves ear ever so softly "you openly disobeyed me by saying no in the restaurant little one. I may not be able to spank you right now but I'm keeping a list and there are other says to ensure you remember your place." And with that Daddy kissed his quivering slave, told her he loved her and to make sure she locked up and walked away.

Who would have known one could get so wet so soon after having a hysterectomy.

Slave slept peacefully on her pillow pet and vowed to herself she would ask Daddy to spray it with his cologne the next time he is here.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

The Fallout

The morning after the big confession we slept late. Once the girls were settled in and a bit of coffee had been consumed it was time to give Daddy a call and see just how much reading he had gotten through. Since it was later in the morning he had informed me he had read quite a bit. Daddy's tone was neutral and we spoke about the content of the blog. He mentioned the writing being a little one sided (which of course it would be) and that the tones of the posts were a bit bolder than when we had discussed things in person. This was surprising to hear, one never felt meek during those heated discussions and she was certainly punished for it on more than one occasion. The most important thing he noted was that he could read the love felt for him in the writing. He advised he would like to see less detail of our more personal moments, which of course is not a problem, and we moved on to other subjects.

It was Super bowl Sunday so we had plans to go to a friends house to watch the game. We firmed up our plans to meet later in the day before hanging up. Daddy still had a lot more reading to do and because we would be out late the kids needed to be totally ready for school the next morning before we went out.

The text came in a little later that afternoon and it was not good. It was in regards to a post written back in February of last year, a time that was riddled with guilt over splitting up my existing family. Many of you were with me during that period but you can also read about it here. It was not too long (2 1/2 months) after the girls and I moved out of the "family home" and both my ex and my youngest daughter were devastated by my choices and wishing that things would work out. Things with Daddy were up and down as well and the feeling of being pulled in a million different directions was prevalent. There was many sleepless nights spent pondering if the right decisions were being made and if judgments were being clouded by these new cravings for dominance and a male led relationship. Daddy's habit of being really close to me and then backing off was not helping either, but he was dealing with all the crazy emotions of this as well, wanting more but not being able to have it just yet.

It was during this time when dropping off one of the girls instead of pushing the crying ex away from me he was allowed to lean in for a kiss before leaving. The kiss maybe lasted 2 seconds but it happened nonetheless. The decision was regretted as soon as it was made and one left not to think much of it after it happened.

Daddy, however, just finding out about it for the first time thought quite a bit about it. The hurt came through quite clearly in his texts as he pointed out that this was lying and cheating and something he could never forgive. To be honest it was a post that had been forgotten about. It was something that should have been discussed up front and not read by Daddy when we were apart. Daddy is big on using texts when we have disagreements which drives one crazy. After trying to call him several times with no answer it appeared texting back was the only thing one could do. The back and forth began. There was begging to talk on the phone but he refused. There were attempted explanations of what one was going through at the time that were unaccepted. Daddy was adamant cheating was cheating, lying was lying and any little bit of trust that was left after finding out about the blog was gone. Half the day was spent crying and begging via text. At some point anger set in and further attempts at making it better seemed futile. Disbelief that is was over just like that started setting it and slave just became quiet.  

A few hours later we were each a bit calmed and were able to talk. Daddy was willing to talk about it but if he broke his cardinal rule of trying to work it out with someone who had cheated on him it was going to be a long tough road to gaining back trust within the relationship. Deep inside slave felt "cheating" was a harsh and unfair label to put on what had taken place but she was so relieved she was being given a chance she didn't dare a say a word. She just wanted forgiveness.

Daddy came over and we spoke a bit more before getting on with our original plans but he was very clear about the tight leash one would be on until she had earned back his trust. Daddy felt betrayed and very, very hurt and was wondering what else one was hiding from him. Slave felt drained and her face felt swollen.

The evening watching the game with friends was actually a lot of fun and slave stayed close to her Daddy. There were a few times Daddy denied her a jello shooter or other things friends were offering during the game just to show how upset he really was. While bummed her last night out before the surgery (that would lay her up for a weeks) was being hampered slave said nothing. She did however wonder what was ahead.

The night ended late and we hastily departed with these issues hanging over our head. Unfortunately we were not really able to deal with this much more due to the surgery and hospital stay (which he was amazing through) but now that one is home its coming back to something we need to talk about more.

We still have a lot to work through and it’s going to take a while. While what happened was wrong and there is indeed trust that needs to be earned back as a result slave worries that Daddy is going to use this incident to push other issues that we butted heads on in the past. Only time will tell.

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Confession - Part 2

Daddy looked across the table incredulously. (Telling this part of what happened is a bit difficult, as things got a little blurry at this point. The rush of relief, fear of his reaction and the effects of the beers all hitting at once). I believe his first response was something to the effect of him having wondered why the subject of a blog had not come up sooner.

The he started firing questions across the table, but the one that hung in the air like a weight was regarding how long had this been going on. When the response was over a year it seemed things would never be right again. Daddy quickly picked up his phone and asked for the URL. Upon getting the information he looked it up and started reading while all one could do was sit there and stare. He started with the most current post, which was better since by then things had evened out, a bit and we were in a more comfortable place. There was not so much questioning and resentment written towards the latter part of this blog. Sitting so far from him while he was reading was causing a lot of stress and eventually the need to move to the seat next to him was so strong it just happened. Daddy moved to tuck slave under his arm and she just leaned into him and waited for a response.

The connection in our local bar was not good and trying to read the blog entries became too tedious. Daddy was very upset and rightfully so. He asked many questions which were answered as quickly as possible but the fact that this omission had gone on so long was clearly weighing on both of us. Daddy remained calm and reiterated several times that he was not mad about the blog but he was upset that he was not aware of its existence. There were explanations of the guilt it had caused over time that resulted in the lack of posting as time went on. Daddy did ask that the writing continue and also requested this confession be documented here for all to see. The fact that he was being so understanding about it actually made the guilt even worse.

We talked some more and soon decided it was time leave as the girls were with a babysitter and we did not want to stay out that late. Earlier in the week we had been on an almost daily maintenance schedule (trying to get it in while we could) but we stopped spanking a few days prior due to the upcoming surgery. Daddy was concerned about any bruising raising questions with the doctor but really the concern was on his end as it is never that bad anymore and slave would be lying on her stomach for the whole procedure.

Apparently Daddy was no longer worried about that at this point. We pulled into an empty parking lot and daddy turned off the car and climbed into the back seat. Obediently slave joined him looking in his eyes as she unbuttoned her jeans and began to lie across his lap. The fact that he was going forward with punishment was a huge relief. Surely we would not be going through with this if he were going to release me from his ownership. Tears and uncontrollable sobbing started even before the first hard stroke of the paddle landed. Not out of fear of pain but rather from the remorse one felt from doing something so detrimental to our relationship. It was not an easy paddling, it was hard and Daddy took several breaks and then started right back up again. He spoke about broken trust and working to get it back, about communication and everything that needed to be done to make this work. He asked me if this paddling was going to be written about here as he was delivering the hardest stroke so far. It was hard to catch enough breath enough to answer but finally through cries slave screamed "Only if you would like me to Sir" and he let up a little bit before staring with the next round.

When Daddy was done and both bottom and thighs felt as though they were on fire slave sunk to her knees and continued to cry in his lap. Daddy did pull her up to console her after a short while and once she calmed he fisted her hair pulling her head back firmly to tell her nothing like this was ever to happen again. "Yes Sir" was managed through tears and then we did have to sort of rush to get back to the house as Daddy had spent quite a bit of time paddling away.

It felt horrible to have to act like everything was OK after such an emotional event. The need for further reassurance that all would be well was so strong but yet nothing could be done about it at that time.

We arrived home to the girls excited to see us and it was business as usual. The babysitter took her leave and soon it was time for Daddy to go too. We said our goodbyes clinging to each other tightly but not before Daddy made a comment about how much reading he had to do when he got home.

Things were to get a lot worse before they got better.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Confession - Part 1

It has been so long since there has been an entry on this blog this writer is surprised she still sees so many following. It would be easy to say life has been busy, which it has or that it’s due to a medical issue, which there is but that is not the reason for the silence over here. The thing is after all this time Daddy never knew about this blog.

At first this seemed like an innocent omission. We were just starting out and without any past experience one could never anticipate that Daddy would choose such a strict path for us nor that such strictness would be something slave would eventually crave and feel lost without. As we moved forward and Daddy starting controlling more this blog became a weight on ones shoulders. The shame of this secret was so deep that it was never even written about here.

Master worked hard at letting his slave know what he expected. As he sensed the initial phase of resistance and testing was over he started introducing more. Reminding his slave in many ways she has no autonomy, no rights, no anything unless it was granted to her at his discretion. As this happened little things became 2nd nature, hard limits fell away and Daddy's control became a warm blanket of protection. "Yes Sir" replaced annoyance and defiance. Punishments became further apart and even when given they are taken gratefully (and tearfully) leaving behind that content and proud feeling one has when they must pay the piper for even the smallest transgressions. All these beautiful things were happening but with each new post the guilt became heavier and coming back to this place that was once one of happiness was just miserable.

It was naive to believe one could be owned and keep anything from their Master, it just would not work. How could it have not been seen earlier that this would be a problem. Panic was really starting to set in but slave knew this was something that must be addressed. Daddy sensed something was off as his slave became more agitated by this issue. He would ask what was going on and yet still she said nothing. Time went on and slave tucked it away in the back of her mind as best she could. It was hard and never went away.

With surgery quickly approaching, plans were made for a night away. The girls at a sleepover, dinner plans and a hotel room for the evening. A lovely meal was enjoyed, an owed punishment was dealt with and we had the rest of the evening ahead of us. While slave was enduring part of her punishment Daddy had slipped out of the room to print out the guidelines he had carefully written out for our future. Slave sat tenderly on her newly paddled bottom wrapped in a towel and still shivering from the cold bath she had finally been instructed to exit before the paddling began. As Master handed her the papers he tucked her in additional blankets so she could concentrate on his written instructions. It was prepared in great detail, reiterating many of the existing rules but with added slave protocol including modification of slaves way of speaking, walking, dressing and eating. It was written with love and tears welled up as the impact of the phase we would be entering really sunk in.

As slave continued to read she came upon the section written about communication, full disclosure and transparency. This blog came to mind overshadowing the moment, but again it was pushed away. Daddy had spent an enormous amount of time putting this together (it is my hope that one day he will allow to me share it here) and the thought that something was being hidden from this wonderful man was horrifying. Although the feeling of guilt was overwhelming Daddy eventually moved the evening in other directions and slave happily complied letting pain, pleasure and subspace put off the inevitable for a bit longer.

Morning came way too quickly but there was time for another lengthy play session before it was time to gingerly move about, pack up the room and pick up the children. It did come to mind that it would be a good opportunity to confess but it was much easier to procrastinate and justify not ruining our time together than face the music. The day with the kids was busy and later that evening as slave said goodbye to her Daddy she knew she had missed her opportunity.

Slave prepared for bed later that evening and almost all of her kneeling time ritual was focused on this problem rather than her submission to Daddy..... it was becoming truly unbearable. Something had to be done.

Sleep finally ensued and the work/school week allowed this blog to be further pushed into the category of something to deal with later. The week flew by, surgery preparations were made and the feeling of dread subsided a little.

The following Saturday evening we found ourselves able to go out one last time before the surgery. Appetizers were served, beers were consumed and eventually the conversation turned to our dynamic and us. It was then that rather ungracefully (thank you beer #3) the truth was blurted out.