It has been so long since there has been an entry on this blog this writer is surprised she still sees so many following. It would be easy to say life has been busy, which it has or that it’s due to a medical issue, which there is but that is not the reason for the silence over here. The thing is after all this time Daddy never knew about this blog.
At first this seemed like an innocent omission. We were just starting out and without any past experience one could never anticipate that Daddy would choose such a strict path for us nor that such strictness would be something slave would eventually crave and feel lost without. As we moved forward and Daddy starting controlling more this blog became a weight on ones shoulders. The shame of this secret was so deep that it was never even written about here.
Master worked hard at letting his slave know what he expected. As he sensed the initial phase of resistance and testing was over he started introducing more. Reminding his slave in many ways she has no autonomy, no rights, no anything unless it was granted to her at his discretion. As this happened little things became 2nd nature, hard limits fell away and Daddy's control became a warm blanket of protection. "Yes Sir" replaced annoyance and defiance. Punishments became further apart and even when given they are taken gratefully (and tearfully) leaving behind that content and proud feeling one has when they must pay the piper for even the smallest transgressions. All these beautiful things were happening but with each new post the guilt became heavier and coming back to this place that was once one of happiness was just miserable.
It was naive to believe one could be owned and keep anything from their Master, it just would not work. How could it have not been seen earlier that this would be a problem. Panic was really starting to set in but slave knew this was something that must be addressed. Daddy sensed something was off as his slave became more agitated by this issue. He would ask what was going on and yet still she said nothing. Time went on and slave tucked it away in the back of her mind as best she could. It was hard and never went away.
With surgery quickly approaching, plans were made for a night away. The girls at a sleepover, dinner plans and a hotel room for the evening. A lovely meal was enjoyed, an owed punishment was dealt with and we had the rest of the evening ahead of us. While slave was enduring part of her punishment Daddy had slipped out of the room to print out the guidelines he had carefully written out for our future. Slave sat tenderly on her newly paddled bottom wrapped in a towel and still shivering from the cold bath she had finally been instructed to exit before the paddling began. As Master handed her the papers he tucked her in additional blankets so she could concentrate on his written instructions. It was prepared in great detail, reiterating many of the existing rules but with added slave protocol including modification of slaves way of speaking, walking, dressing and eating. It was written with love and tears welled up as the impact of the phase we would be entering really sunk in.
As slave continued to read she came upon the section written about communication, full disclosure and transparency. This blog came to mind overshadowing the moment, but again it was pushed away. Daddy had spent an enormous amount of time putting this together (it is my hope that one day he will allow to me share it here) and the thought that something was being hidden from this wonderful man was horrifying. Although the feeling of guilt was overwhelming Daddy eventually moved the evening in other directions and slave happily complied letting pain, pleasure and subspace put off the inevitable for a bit longer.
Morning came way too quickly but there was time for another lengthy play session before it was time to gingerly move about, pack up the room and pick up the children. It did come to mind that it would be a good opportunity to confess but it was much easier to procrastinate and justify not ruining our time together than face the music. The day with the kids was busy and later that evening as slave said goodbye to her Daddy she knew she had missed her opportunity.
Slave prepared for bed later that evening and almost all of her kneeling time ritual was focused on this problem rather than her submission to Daddy..... it was becoming truly unbearable. Something had to be done.
Sleep finally ensued and the work/school week allowed this blog to be further pushed into the category of something to deal with later. The week flew by, surgery preparations were made and the feeling of dread subsided a little.
The following Saturday evening we found ourselves able to go out one last time before the surgery. Appetizers were served, beers were consumed and eventually the conversation turned to our dynamic and us. It was then that rather ungracefully (thank you beer #3) the truth was blurted out.