The morning after the big confession we slept late. Once the girls were settled in and a bit of coffee had been consumed it was time to give Daddy a call and see just how much reading he had gotten through. Since it was later in the morning he had informed me he had read quite a bit. Daddy's tone was neutral and we spoke about the content of the blog. He mentioned the writing being a little one sided (which of course it would be) and that the tones of the posts were a bit bolder than when we had discussed things in person. This was surprising to hear, one never felt meek during those heated discussions and she was certainly punished for it on more than one occasion. The most important thing he noted was that he could read the love felt for him in the writing. He advised he would like to see less detail of our more personal moments, which of course is not a problem, and we moved on to other subjects.
It was Super bowl Sunday so we had plans to go to a friends house to watch the game. We firmed up our plans to meet later in the day before hanging up. Daddy still had a lot more reading to do and because we would be out late the kids needed to be totally ready for school the next morning before we went out.
The text came in a little later that afternoon and it was not good. It was in regards to a post written back in February of last year, a time that was riddled with guilt over splitting up my existing family. Many of you were with me during that period but you can also read about it here. It was not too long (2 1/2 months) after the girls and I moved out of the "family home" and both my ex and my youngest daughter were devastated by my choices and wishing that things would work out. Things with Daddy were up and down as well and the feeling of being pulled in a million different directions was prevalent. There was many sleepless nights spent pondering if the right decisions were being made and if judgments were being clouded by these new cravings for dominance and a male led relationship. Daddy's habit of being really close to me and then backing off was not helping either, but he was dealing with all the crazy emotions of this as well, wanting more but not being able to have it just yet.
It was during this time when dropping off one of the girls instead of pushing the crying ex away from me he was allowed to lean in for a kiss before leaving. The kiss maybe lasted 2 seconds but it happened nonetheless. The decision was regretted as soon as it was made and one left not to think much of it after it happened.
Daddy, however, just finding out about it for the first time thought quite a bit about it. The hurt came through quite clearly in his texts as he pointed out that this was lying and cheating and something he could never forgive. To be honest it was a post that had been forgotten about. It was something that should have been discussed up front and not read by Daddy when we were apart. Daddy is big on using texts when we have disagreements which drives one crazy. After trying to call him several times with no answer it appeared texting back was the only thing one could do. The back and forth began. There was begging to talk on the phone but he refused. There were attempted explanations of what one was going through at the time that were unaccepted. Daddy was adamant cheating was cheating, lying was lying and any little bit of trust that was left after finding out about the blog was gone. Half the day was spent crying and begging via text. At some point anger set in and further attempts at making it better seemed futile. Disbelief that is was over just like that started setting it and slave just became quiet.
A few hours later we were each a bit calmed and were able to talk. Daddy was willing to talk about it but if he broke his cardinal rule of trying to work it out with someone who had cheated on him it was going to be a long tough road to gaining back trust within the relationship. Deep inside slave felt "cheating" was a harsh and unfair label to put on what had taken place but she was so relieved she was being given a chance she didn't dare a say a word. She just wanted forgiveness.
Daddy came over and we spoke a bit more before getting on with our original plans but he was very clear about the tight leash one would be on until she had earned back his trust. Daddy felt betrayed and very, very hurt and was wondering what else one was hiding from him. Slave felt drained and her face felt swollen.
The evening watching the game with friends was actually a lot of fun and slave stayed close to her Daddy. There were a few times Daddy denied her a jello shooter or other things friends were offering during the game just to show how upset he really was. While bummed her last night out before the surgery (that would lay her up for a weeks) was being hampered slave said nothing. She did however wonder what was ahead.
The night ended late and we hastily departed with these issues hanging over our head. Unfortunately we were not really able to deal with this much more due to the surgery and hospital stay (which he was amazing through) but now that one is home its coming back to something we need to talk about more.
We still have a lot to work through and it’s going to take a while. While what happened was wrong and there is indeed trust that needs to be earned back as a result slave worries that Daddy is going to use this incident to push other issues that we butted heads on in the past. Only time will tell.