The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

“Good Girl” – Sometimes the smallest things is all it takes

Daddy came over last night to spend some time with the girls and me. It has been a crazy week so far and once leaving the house at 8 am on both Monday & Tuesday the girls and I returned home both nights for the first time after 8 pm. This is not great for younger elementary school children but not much you can do when it’s school related things. I hate that school continues to give out homework on back to school nights knowing that parents usually don’t get home from work until 5:30 or 6 and then have to be up at the school from 6 pm until 8:00 pm. It’s just a pet peeve of mine; I mean what 2nd grader can do their homework well at 8:30 at night?   
I was a bit relieved when he walked in the door as I was feeling a bit overwhelmed. He quickly stepped in to do the dinner dishes so I could get through the backpacks and start making lunches for the next day this was a big help because it was already after 7 and I really wanted the girls to get in bed early. (Since we moved into my parents I have to physically lie in bed with my daughter until she falls asleep so sending them up on their own does not work).  
Daddy has been reading a lot of blogs from different perspectives and I had noticed he was tightening up on a few things, not in an oppressive way, but in little subtle ways, things to help build submission. Things I am enjoying. Earlier I had asked him if could look at what he was reading and he had sent me some links that I had not yet looked at. While we were together in the kitchen he told me the first link he sent was really interesting to him because it was written by a submissive about how being called a “good girl” made her feel.  Daddy often calls me “good girl” when he observes me following a rule he knows is tough for me or when I am I am doing particularly well handling pain play.
A few months ago there had been times when I heard Daddy refer to other women as “good girl” and it bothered me a bit. I felt like that should be reserved for me and I told him how it made me feel; he understood completely and stopped. He even noticed he was doing it with our kids and apologized to me for that and made changes but really when he does it with the kids it does not bother me.   
When he brought up the term “good girl” the argument on Friday night came rushing back to me and to be frank I became angry. (Oh hell, I mine as well say it, I have been angry ever since)  You see during that time when Daddy was mad he purposely started using “good girl” with the kids, every chance he got. He had done it to be spiteful because he was upset with me and while I don’t usually get upset when he says that to any of our kids, I thought his reason for doing it that night was immature and not the way things should have been handled.
I calmly turned to look at him and quietly said after this weekend I am just not sure “good girl” holds any meaning to me anymore.
He looked at me closely and he looked really hurt which was not my intention but I just had to say something, something to let him know that I am not OK. I guess it was my way of reaching out.
Babe, you have not been the same since this weekend. You are quiet and distant and I need to know what’s going on, I feel like the past weekend had really out a dent in us.
Well it has Daddy. I feel like everything is unresolved that we still need to talk. I am very upset about it and I just can’t get past it. It’s not the punishment that I am focusing on so please don’t think it’s that, it’s everything that has happened prior to that. I feel like sometimes you set me up for failure.
I didn’t think it was resolved babe, I know we need to talk we just have not had time without the kids.
We had time for maintenance today
And then and only then did we really started talking


  1. Glad you are talking, I know how you feel. Once, and luckily so far only once, have a felt that Master set me up for failure, and I was spitting bullets when I realized that was how I felt...all of them aimed at Him. I was punished severely, but it did not chang emy attitude, finally when master just had me sit on His lap, and we talked....things were resovled. When you feel like that about someone you trust with your whole being, only talking can clear the air...hugs abby

  2. Talking is the KEY to a good working relationship.Best of luck to you , and hope the talks were productive!

  3. I am also glad that you are talking. Good luck.


  4. That's often when the talking begins here too...after we've worked out the angst.

  5. I like your retort to "We haven't had time."

    If there is time for maintenance, there is time to talk. Absolutely. Good on you.


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