The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.


Monday, February 11, 2013

The Confession - Part 2

Daddy looked across the table incredulously. (Telling this part of what happened is a bit difficult, as things got a little blurry at this point. The rush of relief, fear of his reaction and the effects of the beers all hitting at once). I believe his first response was something to the effect of him having wondered why the subject of a blog had not come up sooner.

The he started firing questions across the table, but the one that hung in the air like a weight was regarding how long had this been going on. When the response was over a year it seemed things would never be right again. Daddy quickly picked up his phone and asked for the URL. Upon getting the information he looked it up and started reading while all one could do was sit there and stare. He started with the most current post, which was better since by then things had evened out, a bit and we were in a more comfortable place. There was not so much questioning and resentment written towards the latter part of this blog. Sitting so far from him while he was reading was causing a lot of stress and eventually the need to move to the seat next to him was so strong it just happened. Daddy moved to tuck slave under his arm and she just leaned into him and waited for a response.

The connection in our local bar was not good and trying to read the blog entries became too tedious. Daddy was very upset and rightfully so. He asked many questions which were answered as quickly as possible but the fact that this omission had gone on so long was clearly weighing on both of us. Daddy remained calm and reiterated several times that he was not mad about the blog but he was upset that he was not aware of its existence. There were explanations of the guilt it had caused over time that resulted in the lack of posting as time went on. Daddy did ask that the writing continue and also requested this confession be documented here for all to see. The fact that he was being so understanding about it actually made the guilt even worse.

We talked some more and soon decided it was time leave as the girls were with a babysitter and we did not want to stay out that late. Earlier in the week we had been on an almost daily maintenance schedule (trying to get it in while we could) but we stopped spanking a few days prior due to the upcoming surgery. Daddy was concerned about any bruising raising questions with the doctor but really the concern was on his end as it is never that bad anymore and slave would be lying on her stomach for the whole procedure.

Apparently Daddy was no longer worried about that at this point. We pulled into an empty parking lot and daddy turned off the car and climbed into the back seat. Obediently slave joined him looking in his eyes as she unbuttoned her jeans and began to lie across his lap. The fact that he was going forward with punishment was a huge relief. Surely we would not be going through with this if he were going to release me from his ownership. Tears and uncontrollable sobbing started even before the first hard stroke of the paddle landed. Not out of fear of pain but rather from the remorse one felt from doing something so detrimental to our relationship. It was not an easy paddling, it was hard and Daddy took several breaks and then started right back up again. He spoke about broken trust and working to get it back, about communication and everything that needed to be done to make this work. He asked me if this paddling was going to be written about here as he was delivering the hardest stroke so far. It was hard to catch enough breath enough to answer but finally through cries slave screamed "Only if you would like me to Sir" and he let up a little bit before staring with the next round.

When Daddy was done and both bottom and thighs felt as though they were on fire slave sunk to her knees and continued to cry in his lap. Daddy did pull her up to console her after a short while and once she calmed he fisted her hair pulling her head back firmly to tell her nothing like this was ever to happen again. "Yes Sir" was managed through tears and then we did have to sort of rush to get back to the house as Daddy had spent quite a bit of time paddling away.

It felt horrible to have to act like everything was OK after such an emotional event. The need for further reassurance that all would be well was so strong but yet nothing could be done about it at that time.

We arrived home to the girls excited to see us and it was business as usual. The babysitter took her leave and soon it was time for Daddy to go too. We said our goodbyes clinging to each other tightly but not before Daddy made a comment about how much reading he had to do when he got home.

Things were to get a lot worse before they got better.


20 comments:

  1. hi dancing

    I was about to comment on part one and this popped up so i will here instead lol

    Perhaps having this blog out in the open is for the best, it gives him in an insight into you that sometimes isnt seen in person, and thats always a good thing.

    I have been thinking of you, was so concerned when you didnt reply to my email (yes im scolding lmao)in a playful way.

    Take care.

    x

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    1. Sorry you were worried Tori. As a result of the surgery medical leave is six weeks so things got really hectic at work and well the panic just plain old set in.

      Hopefully the blog will be good for us, we are having a few ups and downs because of it which was to be expected. We are working thorugh it and there will be another post up about it today.

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  2. Hi,

    I read part one yesterday and so I was waiting for this post. I am sure you feel awful. Hug.

    I remember some of your earlier very candid posts that you wrote and the many comments. All I could say is you are in my thoughts as you both process the blog.

    Please update us about his reaction.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thanks for your support Joey, getting ready to post an update soon.

      It's a tough thing but it could not be hidden any longer. It seems things needed to be in a really good place before it felt right to reveal it to him.

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  3. I keep thinking about you. How brave to have told him. This must have been so overwhelming for him. I hope you guys get into a good place about this. ANd how hard to get back home, girls happy to see you after something like this. And then he leaves. Really hard.

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    1. It was overwhleming for him for sure. Having to separate after the punishment sucked too but we have been there before due to our situation. That should be remedied soon one hopes.

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  4. It's always better to have things out in the open. Glad you were finally able to release part of that guilt. It will be difficult just as the relationship was in the beginning. Doubts on both sides but you came together and you are both in a better place. I am sure he will realized the blog help that happen.

    Good luck.

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    1. It is better now that it is out. He did see how some of the comments (more than the posts) helped me process certain situations. He is still processing it all right now.

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  5. I can imagine how difficult this was for you, worrying about His reaction, wondering about the consequences, having to separate so soon after the punishment....but clearing the air was important for you to move forward. I admire your bravery.
    hugs abby

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    1. Thanks Abby, if it would have been done earlier it would have been easier but it went on for so long it just got so so hard to deal with. The one good thing that came from it was it taught one never to hide anything again, it's just not worth it.

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  6. I read part 1 and was anxious to read this. I'm so glad he knows and has asked you to keep writing. Glad that you can now let go of some of the guilt. Good on you for telling him.

    Still some more processing and talking to do, but hopefully as he reads earlier posts he will see how far you have come in your relationship.

    We find the blog helps us make improvements because it is where I document my thoughts and feelings.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz. Thank you for coming by. Telling him was really hard but now we can work through it together.

      Writing and reading here definitely supports growth and makes it easier to improve the mindset.

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  7. Hi dancingbarez, I'm also glad that he will allow you to keep writing. I know how hard this was for you, and I know that he must be quite proud of you for confessing... you should be too. Clean slates are the best feeling.

    (((hugs)))

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    1. June, you are so right about the clean slate but one is not quite in the clear just yet.

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  8. I'm happy you were able to show him your blog and that all is forgiven now. I bet he'll enjoy reading. And gosh I couldn't imagine having to part was after all that, you must be strong!

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    1. Hi Riley! Parting after was really hard especially knowing he would be at home reading by himself and there was no way to see his reactions. That made it a lot worse.

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  9. "Thank you beer #3..." I know that was from your last post, but it was great:)

    I'm so glad you got that out! I know, you said it got worse, but in the end, it has to be a good thing, I just know it...I mean, you are still writing! lol

    Sounds like it was tough emotionally, especially since he had to leave soon after the punishment, but it's got to feel good to have that no longer hanging over your head.

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    1. That 3rd beer gets me every time!

      It does feel good but we are still dealing with the fallout. There will be a post about it soon.

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  10. I'm just catching up...ugh...this sounds tough. I hope things are better now.

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  11. Yes, tough indeed! We are working our way towards better, hope to be all the way there soon.

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