I am going through some changes, they are not exactly comfortable. It's Master all the time in my head, invading my thoughts, my every gesture. I start to feel wrong if we can't see each other, like a panic attack is right around the corner. When I don't feel his control I get antsy and when that happens I clam up. When we talk on the phone I get quiet, I get scared, I don't want him to know how much it gets to me when we can't be together so I put even more space between us. I am not sure why I do that, he knows how I feel anyway so why piss me him off.?
Then yesterday when I woke up I was feeling better. I remember laying in bed half asleep and the first thought that popped in my head was I am owned by my Master. It was like a mantra I kept repeating and it settled me. As I was getting ready for work there were all these little reminders. I noticed the dark bruises on the inside of my thighs in the shape of his teeth, I stopped shaving at my upper thighs since I had been told to let my pubic hairs grow in, I didn't blow dry my hair straight since he likes the natural curl I wore in high school, something I have not done since I was living off the land and seeing music in three different states a week (unless the Grateful Dead were on a 5 day run in one place). I wore a dress instead of pants since he has asked for that from now on. When I was leaving I double checked for my phone and my asthma inhaler, things I never checked for before, if I had them I had them if not it wouldn't be the end of the world. As I was doing all this I realized he is there, he may not be physically present but he is there, directing me, molding me to what he wants, to do small things that will make him happy.
Then yesterday he drove out to me, I was surprised since we had no time, between the two of us the kids are 6, 7, & 8 and yesterday was the last day before school goes back into session, we both had a ton to do. We went to a private area and he looked at me as he slipped off his belt,
You know I love you and that you can't distance from me, right? He sits down
I know, I feel better today. I was just tired and cranky last night.
Come on, get over my lap.
No response...me staring.
Come on hand gesture from him.
I climb across his lap, dress down, panties on.....why should I help him? He pulls up my dress and my panties down and spanks me hard with the belt, making sure each slaps lands in the exact same spot as before (how does he have such good aim). I do a good job staying still and trying not to cry until he is done but when he pulls my panties back up the waterworks start to fall and I am clinging to him for dear life and he just holds me and rocks back and forth until I calm down. Once I am calm he starts rubbing between my legs and eventually I beg him to slip his fingers inside me which he does and I am moving against his fingers, my eyes closed as he unexpectedly starts slapping the inside of my thighs with his free hand until I explode and his hand his soaked and the inside of my legs are worse off then my red bottom.
He stands up and tells me has to go....his whole visit shorter than the time it takes him to drive to me and back home. We share a drawn out goodbye and take comfort in the fact that we will get to see each other for lunch tomorrow (which is now today).
When I wake up this morning the first thought that pops into my mind is I am owned by my Master and as I sit here typing not able to cross my legs because of the welts on the inside of my thighs, I don't think I will forget that again anytime soon.