Do you have your phone?

Six months ago I would have never imagined how much distress these five words could cause. The minute I hear them I panic, my mind immediately goes to me over his knee or bending over something else ass bare and paddled or whipped and crying. I realize the logical reaction is for me to just look for the damn phone which I do have 99.9% of the time. Admittedly just a few weeks earlier I probably would have only had the phone  75% of the time but hey it's progress.

Then yesterday I really, really screwed up. To start off I didn't do something Master had been asking me to do for a while. I was avoiding it because it was uncomfortable and time consuming and that is just how I sometimes usually handle these things. He called me at work and told me to send him back the list he had originally sent me and next to each line item he wanted a Yes or No as to if it was done. If it was a NO he wanted it in bold letters and marked with exclamation point. Joy! I hesitantly sent it back quickly realizing there was not a hell of a lot done. The reply..... disappointed little girl. In our dynamic disappointment = punished. Wonderful.

We talked a few times after that and much to my surprise it appeared I was getting off the hook, I was just to get it done and we would move on. What? OK. I worked late and then had to run to the store to prepare for the much anticipated arrival of the Easter Bunny. My daughter called to ask me to hurry, she did not want to be with her dad (the ex) any longer than necessary and while talking to her that is when I heard it....the beep of a dying battery, Lovely. (My car outlet is currently not working).

I knew Master would freak....

1. My daughters were with the ex and if you have been reading you know the ex is not very good with one of the girls. Master paces until he knows she is returned unharmed.

2. I had to go pick them up at his house and he would have no way of getting a hold of me to make sure all hell did not break loose when I picked up the kids.

Crap! I called and could still hear the irritation in his voice from my misstep earlier in the day Here is how it went:

Hi Daddy, I am still at Walmart but I am leaving soon.

You're still there? Have you talked to the girls? 


Yes, "A" is upset I'm taking so long but I am going to check out in a minute. I just wanted to let you know my battery is dying and the phone won't be working for to much longer. I'm re

Irritation pouring through the phone......Did you lose the phone charger I gave you for your desk at work?  


No, I jus

Are you testing me? Do you not care about anything I ask you do to do? What is going on with you. You could end up on the side of the road with no way to get in touch with any one, he could freak out on you when you pick up the kids and you have no way of getting help. Fine, good luck with all that! 


Click  

I dialed again hoping the phone would last a couple of more seconds, simultaneously fighting back tears, temper rising.

I am sorry I let the battery die, it was a mistake, you are being unreasonable (Yes people I actually said that) I can't believe you just hung up on me. What the hell is your problem? (Yep, said that too).

I cannot even give a play by play of the rest of the conversation because to be honest he was so irate I think I blocked it all out. I know I didn't say much else and I knew I was in some serious trouble. I remember him telling me he loved me before we hung up but I also remember thinking I was in for it.

I picked up the girls and went back to my house and here is the email I had:


lil girl


You came to me and wanted to explore something that was deep inside you. Something that was strong and powerful. Feelings of desire that u said you never had. Emotions and desires of something that would give me a power over you. Control...to have u obey and for me to direct....for me to love you and keep you secure. Protect you from anyone and everybody. To help you. Out of love and trust. To not abuse it or take advantage of it, but to create a smooth path into a somewhat rare relationship.
My position is supposed to make you feel secure, happy, content, trusting, loved, taken care of and many other good things; All out of respect for you. The immense respect I have for you as a person and for your body.


I don't ask much. As a matter of fact, I've been pretty lenient. I've considered all circumstances involved and tried to give u room to wiggle amongst the stress you have on your shoulders.
But when I just ask the simplest things, it upsets me. And it comes across as anger, but it hurt that what I say seems like it is not important enough to remember. And that's where the breakdown comes in. 


Yes you called me and told me. But the point is that it is an ongoing thing. Its a simple thing to remember my lil girl. Calling and telling me doesn't excuse the fact of it. Telling me I'm unreasonable isn't the right thing to say. 


If u are having second thoughts about what we are doing, then say it. cuz I'm all in now and you will have to be too. I love you very much babygirl. 


I replied through my tears and assured him this was what I wanted. We talked on the phone and then we talked in person. There is no punishment for the past 24 hours but moving forward there is no more wiggle room....apparently I hang myself with too much wiggle room.so:

For now on you will be ruled with an iron fist grounding/restrictions of certain liberties/lines its all the table. Those by themselves will be rare but coupled with something else because I know it will be more effective if  I do that and handle it the way I did before. (side note: before was not fun  and was due to my mouth, not the phone)


Yes Sir.

You know something else sometimes when you don't call me Daddy or Sir, I think you are not close......like your inching away, but since we started talking about this, you haven't......it's unacceptable. I am your Owner.


Yes Sir.

I love you.


I love you too, Sir.

OK, let's move on.


And that's where we are today. Just in time for the new triple leather strap to arrive in the mail and I feel ....

Very content, obedient and lucky and yes I know where my phone is. .