Well I have been away on business and I must admit it was really tough being away from blog land. I cannot wait to catch up with everyone! Last week Isabella posted a question wondering if I ever get scared of being overwhelmed. The short answer is yes, I think we all do, but I also interpreted the question as her asking about being scared of things going too far. I pondered this while I was away and the answer for me at this time is no.
Initially and up until recently I was concerned about how addictive submission has become for me. I feel lost in it, I need his control all around me. I want to feel pain at his hands as much as I want to feel pleasure....I'm not even sure if there is a difference for me any more. It just is. I do not want to be micromanaged nor does he want to micromanage me BUT if we end up in that situation at his direction I would still be content because it would be his choosing and I trust his judgement.
I told Daddy (more on the title change later) the more control you exert the more I want it, not really sure how he would react but he calmly replied That makes perfect sense to me so I know we are in the right place.
I'm not worried about where we go from here because it is no longer at my discretion. We are in love, Daddy wants best for me and he knows what I need. He has already told me when we live together it will be much different. I won't be longing for or missing that feeling of control because it will be an every day, every minute part of our lives.
Will I still work? Yes, I will always be the primary bread winner due to my occupation.Will I still volunteer for PTA, coach sports and lead Scout troops? Yes, probably not as much as I am now but yes, it is who I am, it is who he loves. Will I wait on Daddy hand and foot? I doubt it, he likes doing things for me so I can sit (he actually sometimes insists it since I have trouble with being still) BUT I would wait on him that way if it pleased him.
This will go as far as Daddy takes it. Maybe that will be considered too far by some but I trust it will be right for Daddy which by proxy makes it right for me.
Now if anyone has a 4 bedroom house for sale complete with a basement dungeon, please let me know.
I can relate to the missing submission part. I like the way you called it "addictive" in a way, it really is. I don't live with Cael and it's hard when we're apart. I fluctuate between aching to submit to him and getting up on my high horse and rebelling. It's hard! How great you two will be living together soon, I'm sure that will make it so much better for you both :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm curious to hear about why he's "Daddy" now!
I hope we will be living together soon but I have a feeling it will be a long ways off.
DeleteSubmit, rebel, submit, rebel. I guess you really can't have one without the other.
LOL at the complete with a basement dungeon... sounds like you are moving along very smoothly at this point and I am happy for you and your apparent happiness.
ReplyDeleteThank you, it does feel good to know I am on the right path.
DeleteYou sound so happy, the right place is a good place to be :)
ReplyDeleteSorry no basement dungeons here, lol.
I have a feeling that dungeon is going to be hard to find.
DeleteIf you find a basement dungeon under a rock somewhere, let us know 'cause we'd love one as well. :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, I am beginning to think there should be a real estate agent that specializes in that market. She may do better than we all think!
Deletebasement dungeon? I wish, we'd settle for a house or apartment where we wouldn't face eviction for some (attached) anchor points :P
ReplyDeleteI know a good drywall guy when you are ready to move.
DeleteGlad your back and things are moving forward!!
ReplyDeleteBig hugs,
mouse
Thanks Mouse things are feeling better once I just made a decision.
Deletelol its funny when we are away from blogland we miss it, it can be addictive! nice to see you back
ReplyDeleteGoing to far is a constant worry for me and i dont know why i worry because its not really my concern i should trust his judgement on how far is too far....but im a worrier wish i wasnt but i am.
Hope all is well with you both it seems so.
tori xxx
I think its easier for me not to worry because we are learning the ropes together...I am pretty sure one day I am not going to know what hit me but WORRYING does not take away tomorrow's TROUBLES, it takes away today's PEACE.
DeleteMy husband says that worrying is just suffering in advance.
DeleteI can't wait to hear the backstory of why you're calling your man, Daddy! Obviously, I think it's a great name, myself, lol!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kitty, who has her own Daddy;)!
LOL, Kitty. I had trouble with at first and I really think I came to terms with it because of your blog.
DeleteI loved this post. So sweet and touching the heart of who you are. I understand the worry part - big worrier. But how nice for the trust, trust to know he will keep you safe. Thank you, Love, Isabella
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for asking the question. It took me a while to really think about and it helped me in our relationship.
Delete