Well I have been away on business and I must admit it was really tough being away from blog land. I cannot wait to catch up with everyone! Last week Isabella posted a question wondering if I ever get scared of being overwhelmed. The short answer is yes, I think we all do, but I also interpreted the question as her asking about being scared of things going too far. I pondered this while I was away and the answer for me at this time is no.
Initially and up until recently I was concerned about how addictive submission has become for me. I feel lost in it, I need his control all around me. I want to feel pain at his hands as much as I want to feel pleasure....I'm not even sure if there is a difference for me any more. It just is. I do not want to be micromanaged nor does he want to micromanage me BUT if we end up in that situation at his direction I would still be content because it would be his choosing and I trust his judgement.
I told Daddy (more on the title change later) the more control you exert the more I want it, not really sure how he would react but he calmly replied That makes perfect sense to me so I know we are in the right place.
I'm not worried about where we go from here because it is no longer at my discretion. We are in love, Daddy wants best for me and he knows what I need. He has already told me when we live together it will be much different. I won't be longing for or missing that feeling of control because it will be an every day, every minute part of our lives.
Will I still work? Yes, I will always be the primary bread winner due to my occupation.Will I still volunteer for PTA, coach sports and lead Scout troops? Yes, probably not as much as I am now but yes, it is who I am, it is who he loves. Will I wait on Daddy hand and foot? I doubt it, he likes doing things for me so I can sit (he actually sometimes insists it since I have trouble with being still) BUT I would wait on him that way if it pleased him.
This will go as far as Daddy takes it. Maybe that will be considered too far by some but I trust it will be right for Daddy which by proxy makes it right for me.
Now if anyone has a 4 bedroom house for sale complete with a basement dungeon, please let me know.