The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.

Monday, January 30, 2012

My Reward

Although I work full time I also volunteer for way too many things that eat up a lot of my time. This weekend I had a banquet to attend for one of the kids sports in which I sit on the Board. My ex-husband helped out a lot this year although he is not on the Board. The subject of the dinner never came up between the two of us and I had assumed he understood he was not my plus 1 and had maybe even forgotten about it (I had actually invited a girlfriend to come with me many months ago).  The evening before the banquet I spoke to the ex and he told me he was planning on attending. I was upset, I didn't want to spend the evening with him but he insisted. He went to a lot of the Board meetings for me when I was doubled up with another volunteer meeting so I really could not argue.  

I had spoke with my love about the banquet earlier on in the month and as the event got closer we discussed just how much I planned on drinking since there was an open bar. (Yes my friends, I am known to enjoy my fair share of beers on occasion). I knew he was not really happy about the thought of me drinking without him but he never asked anything of me and while I would have complied I was waiting for it to come from him before I offered anything up. 

The ex coming changed everything. I wasn’t sure how to deal with this. Do I not mention it? I'm not proud of myself but the thought entered my mind. I would have probably handled it that way in a different relationship. Of course this time that wasn’t an option. I picked up the phone and made the call.  I explained the situation and told him I wouldn't go; it really wasn't a big deal. To my surprise he told me not to let the ex ruin my time and that I had worked really hard for the league and that I should go and enjoy myself but I was absolutely under no circumstances to have too much drink. Three beers was the limit. 

I went to the dinner, had a nice time talking with everyone and stuck with the plan. After having some coffee I politely said my goodbyes (the Brandi was flowing at that point) and called my love to let him know I was leaving and I was sober. It was about 10 pm and I knew he had to get up for work at 5am. Earlier we had talked about meeting up after the dinner but he sounded tired and had pulled a muscle in his neck (I think at lunch) and I didn't want to ask too much from him. I had also called about an hour earlier to let him know I would leave by 10. To my delight he had driven up to my town and was parked at the park & ride to waiting  for me. 

I parked my car and jumped in his truck all smiles. We drove to a secluded area and talked for a while until we started kissing. I can feel the slow changes in him and it makes me catch my breath. He grabs a fistful of hair from my scalp that makes me yelp and pulls my head down so I am looking up into his face as he kisses me. There is a new look in his eyes that lets me know I am his and this is going his way.... and then my head is in his lap and he is in my mouth and he's saying things to me, reducing me to only want to serve him in the most primitive ways and when he’s finished he pulls me up by my hair and I am totally content to just put my head on his shoulder and be but he has other plans. 

He's all over me, biting, twisting, squeezing, pulling, fingering & entering every part of my body he can. I'm whimpering and groaning and trying to push my ass back to let his fingers go feel him double penetrate me with his hands. He’s pinning me down to the seat forcing me to stare him in the eyes and my whole body is jerking  and he nods at me and then I just let it all go until I'm not capable of moving at all.  I'm sweating and panting and he looks over at me and says "We are definitely exploring that more" and at that particular moment I was so happy to have made that phone call earlier in the morning. I know it seems strange to relate the two but I think he drove out to me because of it and even if that was not the reason I would have been too guilty to enjoy myself with him. I would have been watching what I said to cover my tracks. It would be the exact opposite of what this is supposed to be and I want to give myself completely and I hope that I can achieve it. I feel like I am on the right track.


  1. It sure seems like the right track, good for you.

  2. Sounds like the right track to me... you go girl!! ;o)

  3. ahhh the excitement of beginnings

  4. I think that kind of transparency really does change everything in amazing ways.

  5. Faeire, Sunnygirl, Mikki & Ronnie: Thanks for support. I hope it only get better.

    lil: I agree with you completely. I was surprised at how quickly my mind initially went to "hide it". I am glad I overcame that.

    Mindset: it is very exciting and scary all wrapped up into one.

  6. Exciting all that new relationship energy! Can't wait to hear more!



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