The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

He Snapped!

On Friday we had another great lunch and it was very hard to go back to work. I was even lucky enough to get a few playful but stingy whacks with his belt which was really just a tease because I have not even had a hand spanking yet. Maybe he was testing me to see if I really wanted what I was asking for, but I think my reaction said it all.

The best thing about Friday lunch was that I knew we were going to see each other again it a few hours, we were going out with 2 of the kids. My oldest and his only were going to be meeting for the first time. They had heard a lot about each other and were excited to meet. We were both a little nervous but we were taking them to one of the arcades where you get all the tickets and cash them in at the end.

The kids were having a blast but were getting hungry. We found the only available table which was a 6 top and sat down to order only to be told since we were only a party of four we had to move. I immediately said I would walk around to try and find another and as I suspected he was going to find a Manager.

I found a table and sat with the two kids and they were giggling and watching people playing games. I was sitting closest to his child when he walked over so he stood in between us at the table. I said "Here sit down and I'll move over to next seat" and he said he was fine but I continued "Why stand when there are 4 seats" and started to get up when he looked me dead in the eye (which always does something to me), snapped his fingers and pointed back at the seat for me to sit. I know my eyes blinked and my head jerked that fraction of inch when some one has just shocked you or thrown you off guard. I'm not sure if he saw it because I simultaneously shut my mouth and sat back down.

I knew how I thought I should feel about this......pissed, right?  I'm not a dog, I wasn't being argumentative (well he later said I was being stubborn) and if anybody else ever did that to me I would give them a piece of my mind for sure. Instead I felt content and well I was glad he did it and I realized I had been struggling a bit. Sure I was thrilled the kids were instant friends but it was different. I couldn't lean over the arm rest on the way over to lay my head on his shoulder while he drove (that always makes me feel very submissive). I couldn't wait after I walked thru a door he held open for me to fall a step behind him before walking again. Sure most of the time  he reaches back to grab my hand or to put his hand on the small of back and I take that as the signal to "catch up" but it is his signal. The snap grounded me, it made it all better, it made me happy.

How did this happen? I wanted the physical stuff fast, he said no....we have to go slow or it won't work. That made sense. I had wanted this for a long time. I had time to research and think about it. I started reading Mouse before any thing else. He was still processing that part, reluctant at first. How can he cause pain or humilate someone he cares about? 

I didn't expect the emotional stuff to hit me like this, I never even really considered it. Did I like his control yes, but I never expected to need it like this so quickly. It's beautiful and scary all at once and I don't think there is any turning back now.


  1. Another very good post. He seems to be a natural at taking the lead and bringing out your submissive side.

    I mentioned you on my blog today and I hope some of the readers will stop by and say hello.

    I see Bonnie has become a follower so she should help get you new readers. Good luck.


  2. Stopped by on FD recommendation. Welcome to Blogland.

  3. Yes daddy says the mind fuck is half the fun!

    Great reading during church btw lol

  4. Hi.. nice to meet you! FD told us that you had a nice place over here... and since he has such good taste, I knew I had to come over! ;o)

    Very nice post! I have been married for 16 years but have only been doing ttwd for less than a year... it is so incredible how quickly we do need their dominance... their leadership... their strong hand to guide our way! He seems very wise... and you write so well!

    Nice to meet you... and have a wonderful journey on this new path! It's worth it!! ((hugs))

  5. The physical stuff is great, but when it boils right down to it? It's all about the mind. And what a playground it can be!

  6. Hi dancingbarez, welcome to blogging.

    I've been married for 25 years to the love of my life and just recently ventured into this world. I didn't expect all the emotional stuff either, blogging really helps me work through it all. I hope you find it as helpful.

  7. I like how you respond to him taking charge...great post today!


  8. Hello and a very warm welcome to you.

    Will be back when I have more time to read.


  9. Hello and welcome to blog land! I stopped by on FD's recommendation.

    I think it's wonderful that you have reconnected with a long-ago love, and that you ate both exploring D/s together.

    All the best to you as you start this new chapter in your life.

    Fondly. Sky

  10. WOW, thanks to everyone for stopping by. I am really happy to see you all here and I really appreciate the support.

  11. Hello there! I just stumbled on your blog and have enjoyed this first post that I read and I'm looking forward to reading more.

    Sometimes I think the little things pack more of an impact than some of the bigger ones.


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