On Friday we had another great lunch and it was very hard to go back to work. I was even lucky enough to get a few playful but stingy whacks with his belt which was really just a tease because I have not even had a hand spanking yet. Maybe he was testing me to see if I really wanted what I was asking for, but I think my reaction said it all.
The best thing about Friday lunch was that I knew we were going to see each other again it a few hours, we were going out with 2 of the kids. My oldest and his only were going to be meeting for the first time. They had heard a lot about each other and were excited to meet. We were both a little nervous but we were taking them to one of the arcades where you get all the tickets and cash them in at the end.
The kids were having a blast but were getting hungry. We found the only available table which was a 6 top and sat down to order only to be told since we were only a party of four we had to move. I immediately said I would walk around to try and find another and as I suspected he was going to find a Manager.
I found a table and sat with the two kids and they were giggling and watching people playing games. I was sitting closest to his child when he walked over so he stood in between us at the table. I said "Here sit down and I'll move over to next seat" and he said he was fine but I continued "Why stand when there are 4 seats" and started to get up when he looked me dead in the eye (which always does something to me), snapped his fingers and pointed back at the seat for me to sit. I know my eyes blinked and my head jerked that fraction of inch when some one has just shocked you or thrown you off guard. I'm not sure if he saw it because I simultaneously shut my mouth and sat back down.
I knew how I thought I should feel about this......pissed, right? I'm not a dog, I wasn't being argumentative (well he later said I was being stubborn) and if anybody else ever did that to me I would give them a piece of my mind for sure. Instead I felt content and well I was glad he did it and I realized I had been struggling a bit. Sure I was thrilled the kids were instant friends but it was different. I couldn't lean over the arm rest on the way over to lay my head on his shoulder while he drove (that always makes me feel very submissive). I couldn't wait after I walked thru a door he held open for me to fall a step behind him before walking again. Sure most of the time he reaches back to grab my hand or to put his hand on the small of back and I take that as the signal to "catch up" but it is his signal. The snap grounded me, it made it all better, it made me happy.
How did this happen? I wanted the physical stuff fast, he said no....we have to go slow or it won't work. That made sense. I had wanted this for a long time. I had time to research and think about it. I started reading Mouse before any thing else. He was still processing that part, reluctant at first. How can he cause pain or humilate someone he cares about?
I didn't expect the emotional stuff to hit me like this, I never even really considered it. Did I like his control yes, but I never expected to need it like this so quickly. It's beautiful and scary all at once and I don't think there is any turning back now.