For me the beginning of something new is always exhilarating. There is both excitement and fear in all of it whether it is a new job, a new home or a new relationship. The beginning of accepting what I want and not being afraid to ask for it is no different. Asking actually came easy to me for some reason, although I am not sure why. Perhaps it was the extensive reading of many blogs and the two wonderful people I reached out to that were free with advice (not sure if it is proper to name them here, but I would love to say thank you in a public forum) and reassured me my feelings were ok and would not go away. All of sudden it became so crystal clear.
There he was. Someone from long ago. He loved me before, put me on a pedestal, would have done anything in the world for me but I was too young and wild to want it. There were bands to follow, new drugs to try and a whole world out there....and off I was.
Back to now - 20 years later, a chance meeting months ago, totally unexpected. A kiss that ignited things in me that I couldn't explain. Kids, work all those things force us to take things slow, a dinner here, a movie there but I noticed things....a hand on the small of my back, a directing hand, a silent "I want you to walk here" signal. It's the hand grasping the back of my hair for a kiss goodnight that positions my whole body the way he wants it and it makes me quiver. It's the directive to call me before you leave work and call me when you get home. It’s the good night call after the kids are in bed with the inevitable "you sound tired as soon as we hang up turn out the lights and go to bed" command. It's just who he is and it is just what I need, but what about the rest? How do you say this is good but I want more and you probably need to know now? Well I did it and I did it big, I laid it all out on the line and I was graphic and he wasn't shocked and he didn't run and he held me and he told me we need to go slow and we would grow into it and it would be everything I want and maybe a little more....and later he told me exactly what he wanted me to wear the next time we were going to see each other overnight and it was perfect.
Congrats on starting a blog and sharing you story. I am sure you won't regret it. And I feel honored to be your first follower. And congrats on telling him what you want and need and how thrilling for you that he wants to fulfill your needs. And, yes, your feelings aren't going to go away. Embrace them. Don't feel you are weird or strange. You are not alone. In the book A Billion Wicked Thoughts, it points out that if somebody has certain feelings, there are other people who are out there who have the same feelings.
ReplyDeleteAnd you did a good job of setting up your blog page and I look forward to to following you as you write about your journey. Good luck and hugs.
FD
Woohoo!! Welcome to the world of D/s bloggers!
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to getting to know you.
aisha
wow, rarely does a story start so well, I am hooked. Welcome.
ReplyDeleteFD - Thank you very much, without you I would not be where I am right now.
ReplyDeleteAisha - I have enjoyed your blog for a long time and I hope to return the favor.
Sir J - Your kind words mean a lot. I have to admit I stared at the blinking cursor for quite sometime. The 2nd post came a bit easier. I am hooked on your blog as well.
Welcome to blogging!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
mouse
Welcome to blogland.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the foray into D/s. How wonderful that you are finding out just what you need and I wish you every happiness as you continue on your journey. Cheers
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your beginning story. Me and BIKSS have a long friendship too. 24 years. we only got together barely 3 months ago. the summary of our story - i'm single he's married. there are issues and kids involved. so for now this is what we have. and i'm happy as it is. you can read details in The story of us on my blog. Theres a link on the Definitions page. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that your relationship feels so right with your current flame. And that you had a chance to re-ignite the feelings. I felt many of the same things you felt, that gave me a clue that my BIKSS would be a natural at this D/s thing too. It's a first for both of us. But we're happy to be journeying together.
see you around, and see you often!
(gosh, sorry for the long post!)