This has come up before my friends and I am always at a loss on how I should handle the situation so I felt the need to post about it today, even if it might be a little confusing since I have not fully thought it out.
Master and I have disagreements, it happens with every relationship. The issue is that now that we have established this dynamic I really don't know how to handle it.
Last night the disagreement was over something very small. I had forgotten about an annual big deal kid event at our pool that just so happens to be on a night we had plans. It really sucks because since I left my ex I have been living with my parents while still paying all the bills for my ex who has never really been able to take care of himself and he is living in our family home for free. My parents will be out of town so we had the house to ourselves once the kids went to bed. Master said something about this messing up our plans, I answered back that I could not have the girls miss the back to school pool party. None of this was done in any sort of yelling tone but after that Master lost his cool. He raised his voice about him not saying the girls had to miss the event and I always jump to that conclusion and on and on he went. In reality he was probably somewhat right but I did not like that he was yelling at me. I wanted to get off the phone and permission was denied so instead I clammed up which really pissed him off. Then he told me I was in a bad mood which aggravated me further since he was the one that started yelling. Eventually he realized keeping me on the phone when I shut down was pointless and he let me get off but he was very nasty in the process.
I'll be honest, I wanted to scream right back. I felt he was being unreasonable and in attempt to keep myself from getting punished I just stopped talking....well maybe I should have stopped a bit sooner than I did but I did not raise my voice which is huge progress.
He sent me an email this morning apologizing for yelling at me but then went on to tell me how I should have responded. Can somebody out there please remind me that I am a slave and this is how it works because I'm not feeling it right now. I did respond by saying We should probably talk about this more later because I didn't react to your yelling anyway at all that should have upset you and I stand by that and I really don't see my opinion of that changing no matter how its handled. Meaning I think its a bunch of BS if I get punished for this.
We agreed to talk later and everything has been fine since then but I still feel like I don't know how to disagree anymore. I mean when two people disagree and one person has the upper hand there will always be a way for them to tell you how you should have handled something especially when they are annoyed.
I guess I am looking for advice since it does come up a lot with kid issues. Master is a great Dad but he has little girl on the weekends only and he often makes suggestions or comments about how to handle my two when in reality he has no idea what its like to be "on" all the time, much less how different 1 vs 2 children is. To have sports, and school, and shopping and to get home from work at 6 and go to 2 different practices at 2 different locations, one of the practices at which I am coaching and then do homework and think about lunch the next day and get the kids to bed on time and to then hear his disapproval when they have not showered every night. I admit sometimes when it comes to kids I am make snap comments, I may have corrected my tone but the comments still piss him off.
I guess some part of me does not know how to be a slave and still be annoyed at the same time, it is confusing and I don't like it.