The Beginning

There are so many wonderful blogs I have read and kept up with that gave me the strength to become comfortable with who I am. I would have liked to follow many from the beginning of the journey and that being the case I thought I should start mine from just that....the beginning. It took me a long time to get here but I am excited for what the future holds.


Monday, October 6, 2014

Insecurities

It was a really busy day. Children’s sports from 1 to 4 and then another from 5:30 to 8. They were both over 40 minutes away from our home and each other so no time to go home in between. Both activities were outside and man was it cold.

When we got home Daddy sat down to watch part of a recorded football game. His shoes were removed and he was brought a beverage and it seemed he was relaxing. Soon enough though he got up and started tending to the kids who were up way too late for a school night. This is something that always causes great stress because really its fine, it’s under control; go sit down is what one is thinking. It doesn’t help that he is now in the way so one slave can’t do it and he is doing it with an ever increasing attitude as he goes along. Of course this is not handled well and the tongue biting is getting harder and harder and snappiness is coming through. Not very slave-like at all.

Finally the kids are in bed and we are sitting in the same room but quiet. Then the dialog

“You don’t have to ask me to go to the bathroom anymore”

It feels like a blow to the stomach – “why”

“It’s cumbersome, I never say no and you only ask 70% of the time anyway” Do you come out and ask me when I am mowing the lawn”


Silence....thinking about it. Pretty sure, yes but not a 100% sure. Better say no so its not a lie. “No”

“You haven’t done anything wrong, I am not upset”

WTF, this should be a good thing but the tears…..they are going to fall any second. “OK, may I go the bedroom and watch TV”

Yes

And that’s it…..walked away confused and a little hurt. Climbed in bed, sweatpants and all and watched TV.

Daddy came in a while later and turned the overhead light on (which was annoying) and left it on once he left the room and walked the dog. When he was done he turned off the light and crawled into bed. We snuggled which felt good since it had been so cold out and really the chill were still running rampant from being out so long. As the shivering stopped, clothes were removed and we got settled.

Eventually Daddy started scratching his slaves back, not in a nice way. Digging as hard as he could repeatedly, it felt like all the skin was being ripped off, there were cries and squirming, this is a truly hated kind of play.

“If you don’t be quiet, I am going to get my knife out”

Silence, and now the space in between the thighs is so slick they are slipping off each other.

Eventually Daddy stops, just long enough to get out the loop and start up again on ones back. The squirming continues and he is getting good shots at thigh, hips and anything else that is not where it should be. He is still holding slave tenderly while the loop is raining down and it calms her a bit but it hurts and its exciting and she is humping and turns to look at him to plead with her eyes. Daddy takes this as an opportunity to start face slapping, repeatedly until the sobbing is uncontrollable. Sex now please, but Daddy as other plans which are just as lovely. The drool is everywhere and really it would be just awful to throw up on Daddy but it could happen any minute, it really might. Finally air, Daddy keeps playing, moving slave how he wants, holding up her weight. Listening to her cry while she cums.

There is a vague memory of cleaning him off and a few slaps on the ass while he helped her back in bed. An even clearer memory of kisses, while he rubbed her cheek and played with her hair. Inquiries about him getting water or an extra blanket which were turned down with a pleading not to leave her for even a second and then sleep.

It was rough in a way you can’t relay in writing. It was amazing, there is a soreness in the face from those repeated slaps that is throbbing in that sweet way. Daddy hugged and kissed all morning and everything was as it should be.

But the bathroom thing, it’s just hanging there in the air. It’s just upsetting and really probably nothing…. but still.

11 comments:

  1. I am visiting grands...who continually sing...Let It Go...even the 2 year old knows the words.....maybe it is good advice...for all of us.
    hugs abby

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    1. Yeah, it is good advice but it took me a while to get there.

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  2. Maybe the rule was really just unnecessary, like he said. Especially if it is not be held up more than 95% of the time. I bet he will think up a new rule soon and it will make you feel as submissive as before. As Abby said, let it go. Trust that he means what he says and says what he means

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    1. You are right, The timing of the change just made it seem like it was a bigger deal than it really was. We had been snapping at each other right before and that probably contributed to the anxiety the change was causing.

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  3. maybe it really is just that he's discovered that it's not massively important to him and as he says, cumbersome, nothing more than that. Probably, as the others say, he'll come up with something else or some computation of it - do you still have to pee in the tray in the bedroom, for example?

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    1. Hi mc kitten, yep the tray is still there!

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  4. Hi DB, I agree with the others. I think for rules to 'work' they need to be things that are important to him. I understand you feeling unsettled though, I have too when rules have either been changed ir taken off the table. Try to focus on the fact that it is what he wants.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thanks Roz, we are doing great so it was just a self created unnecessary freak out. Although one still does feel like she is doing something when she goes without asking.

      The other interesting thing is asking for everything else has now been a priority.....maybe that was the goal.

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  5. i completely understand. that's very hard and i think they understand in their way but not entirely. i feel like i need constant attention and strict adherence to the rules. there are days though that play just isn't in the cards. however, i'm still His slave and i behave accordingly. it's often disconcerting when one day i'm required to do something, such as asking to use the restroom, and then the next day my asking isn't. it makes me sad. i know He cares and i know it's not mean or whatever but it just makes me sad.

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    1. Hi slave tami,

      Yes, that is understandable. Have you told him how it makes you feel....when you are not feeling that way at the moment. This is something that is not easy but has been easier with time and it does help a lot.

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  6. DH tried that rule a few times, but it really wasn't working for us, with kids around and everything. Not to say we don't when we have a day here or there.

    Hope to hear from you again.

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